Swimming in grief
Let’s talk about grief
In the Summer of 2022, my sister Gemma died. It was very sudden, and traumatic. She was 43, with a beloved young son. I found painting very therapeutic, it really helped me explore my grief.
I’m a big advocate for talking about death and grief. It’s not something we’re very good at in British culture. So I’m (deep breath) sharing some very personal work here. And sending it to my sister with all my love. Always and forever.
This series depicts four seasons and a cycle of saying goodbye to Gemma.
Summertime sadness. Memories. Fading away.
Autumn. Fire. Rage. Torment. The red of my blood.
Winter. Cold cold heart.
Spring. Daffodils (Gemma’s favourite flower). Blossom, new hope. White eagle, for my Aunty Janet.
When I said goodbye to my sister, I held her left foot. The sun was setting. She was with me. And then she was not.
Resources
The Griefcast, a podcast by Cariad Lloyd, was an absolute lifeline of hope and warmth. Grief can feel very lonely, the Grief Club really helped me. Cariad’s book is worth a read too.
PODCAST
I met Nici Harrison, of The Grief Space, at a grief circle held at Wilderness Festival. She brings people together around grief in a healing and supportive way. Her online grief circle last Christmas helped me navigate my feelings of love and loss throughout the festive and family focused season, which can be a particularly painful time.
GRIEF TENDING
BOOK
The Red of my Blood, by Clover Stroud, is a very moving account of a sister’s grief. Her sister, Nell Gifford, was the founder of Gifford’s Circus, and someone that I’d admired over the years , and had met. I felt a connection to her, the circus was an annual event in my family calendar. I read this book before Gemma’s illness was diagnosed, and then again after she died. It is an honest and harrowing account of sisterly love and loss, with beautiful depictions of how emotions translate into colour, chronicling a year in grief, which inspired the series of seasonal paintings above.
CACAO & SOMA JOURNEYING
Nina Of Woodstock, has a beautiful studio and a beautiful soul. She has opened me up to being less cynical and more spiritual, as was my sister. Nina and Suz of Nurture and Shine have collaborated to create magical experiences. These also helped to inform my seasons series, with visions of shapes and light in soma breath work.
